Help From a Friend Sister Angela

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Help From a Friend

Oh, dear Lady, and dear Child whom you were, I am so very very sorry for what they did to you. Surely you know it was not your fault in any way. No matter how "naughty" they said you might have been, you were just a little girl being a kid. And a teenager being just that. And a young lady being just that. No matter how it went, no matter how it came about, Ann, none of it was in any way your fault. It was all their fault. They were supposed to take care of you, just a kid. They had no right to hurt you and harm you.

No matter what they said to you about it being your fault, they lied, Ann. It was never your fault. It was not that you were not lovable enough. It was not anything about you and not anything lacking in you. It was evil and it was criminal and it was due to evil choices those terrible women chose, that harmed you. They did it. It is all their fault. They should be held accountable. They should pay. More than just money. They should BE sorry, really sorry, and they should try to make up for it, as if they ever could. But they should WANT to, they should TRY.

You should never have had to go through that. Sad enough that you had to live in an orphanage at all, much less a torture house. You deserved a life with the stuff you needed, the stuff all kids need. All human beings. They were all wrong, those nuns and priests, the ones who harmed you and the ones who didn't stop them. The fault is all theirs. None of it was your fault. You were a good normal little girl, as lovable as any little child.

It was they who lacked the capacity to be good and to love you. It was all their fault.They did the worst possible wrongs to you, Ann, out of their evil-ness and out of their criminal-ness.

I wish I could have been there the very first time someone started to hurt you. I wish I could have rushed in and saved you. I wish I could have rushed in, shoved the evil doer away from you, picked you up, and run fast as could be to safety. I wish I could have kept you safe. I wish I could have adopted you for my own little daughter if you had wanted, and kept you safe all your life, till you were all grown up and ready to live your life.

But a lot of good that wishing does. If wishing could do it, and if praying could do it, you would have been safe early on, because I am sure you wished and prayed and begged to be safe. To be free of all the horror of what they were doing to you over all those years. All those years are made up of one day at a time. One day after another, and I am so sorry they made all those days horrible.

Ann, dear heart, I am about to start saying things out of my outrage at what they did to you. I am about to start saying things like I'd like to give those nuns and priests a dose of their own abuse. But someone told me once that when I said that to her, it just made everything worse. So I won't say it in case it makes things worse for you too. But please know that I am so angry at them for harming you, for not loving you, for nobody rescuing you, that I don't even have sensible words for it.

I'd give anything for it all to never have happened to you. And, Ann dear, if you are wondering why I am not telling you why God let all that evil happen to a poor innocent little girl, it is because I just do not know. I cannot figure it out. I do not know how a single person, much less God, could let this happen. I am just so darned sorry.

I just don't know any words of value, Ann. I am crying useless tears for you. They will do you no good. But still, I wish I could make everything okay.

From the depths of my heart, which aches for you, Ann.

PS I have not signed "Sister Angela" here because if I were you, I think I would hate to even say or type the word Sister. So I have left it off, out of respect for you.

PPS If you ever want them, I have two very good articles about abuse. Of all the hundreds sent to me, these two are the best two I've ever seen. One says that survivors will heal, that all survivors do heal eventually. I have not sent them now, because this email is already long and I don't want to overwhelm you. You just let me know if you want them.

Copyright@ 2003 Ann Thompson
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